Areille - the Lioness of God

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

I'm Blue da ba dee da ba daa

I hate this feeling, but I can't help it. It follows me quietly all month and then catches up with me every 28 days. I try to stay cheerful, but it makes me all sad. I try to smile, but I end up maintaining the frown. Curses on this time of the month.

I feel alone. I suddenly remember we are all going to die . . . and we are all going to die alone. I realise how fragile each of our lives are. We live in a selfish selfish world. We are forever running behind things. When we want something, we make ourselves beleive that nothing else in the whole world matters. But as soon as we attain it, we even forget to maintain the 2 seconds of happiness before we find something else to run after. How sad are we.

I feel a void in my life. I am looking for things around me to fill that void. Should I be making more friends? Maybe a vacation? Should I get married? Maybe have a child? I *think* this will make me happy, but will it really? Or will it just increase my desires and then my expectations and in turn, lead to a bigger void.

What are we running after and why are we running at all? Why can't we just be content? Happy with what we have. Oh, that sounds absurd. If things were that simple, would antidepressants ever sell.

But all this also makes me wonder, do we really want to be content? Or are we actually content with the loneliness and void we feel. Maybe we feel we have something to talk about, something to complain about. Maybe we like the drama around us . . . it keeps us going. In fact, I think contentment repels people & as we all know, misery loves company.

In conclusion, I am just blue and need to blab!


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