Wedding vs. Sanity!

Today, I have one month left for the wedding. No reason for not blogging .. but somehow I have become one of those .. too many thoughts .. but too busy to pen! Ugh!

Anyway .. here is a thought I have been having lately. I have heard about crazy whacko brides .. I have seen a few in person too .. and all I want is me not to be one of them. How does one remain calm & pleasant under such pressure? Do they have to call it THE most imp. day of your life? Frankly, I feel the days following the wedding day .. are all THE most important days ouf our lives .. but that's another blog altogether .. esp. since I will have authority to write about post-wedding behavior only after the 27th of nov. :) Back to the crazy brides .. I've been thinking about how not to freak out when my pallu doesn't match my toe ring (exaggerating of course) .. and when the makeup lady is late .. or doesn't finish up on time. When we miss the muhurat .. or someone spills something on me ... how does the Bride get trained to stay calm? How how how?

The path I have decided to choose is one my Dad advocates - Positive Visualization! I have seen it work several times ... and so .. from today .. it's only happy positive thoughts. Only the best will happen .. and people will always say the kindest things .. and everything will go as planned .. and I will stay calm and glowing through out .. and if something goes wrong .. so what .. no big deal. People including me will discuss about it for a day or two .. and then it will all be forgotten in the million other life events we have. No pressure .. no stress.

** Hope it works! :-) **

Granted

The other day, I was driving home from work and got stuck in traffic. That’s usually the time I let my mind wander… ponder ... get into phillosphical debates with myself. As I drove, I decided to close my one eye and see how easy it is to drive. Driving was okay .. but perception did get messed up. Checking blindspots became close to impossible. As soon as traffic started zooming by, I got startled and opened my closed eye all panicked. You must be wondering .. what the hell was this girl thinking?? Well I have a reason. My dad lost his eye when he was just 3 or 4 years old. He was playing like any other kid and fell onto the pointy ledge that fenced his yard. With a bunch of uneducated elders around him, who didn’t realize the need for immediate medical attention, his one eye was lost forever. Every time I think of this .. I tear up! My poor dad … what he must have gone through! And yet, he was able to bring up a beautiful family, prosper, inspire so many people and live so well inspite of this handicap. A handicap I couldn’t last through for more than a minute. That’s his greatness .. but if it was me … would I have been able to do the same? I don't think so. Then why am I not thankful for having my set of eyes intact? It’s terrible how we take all of this for granted. We don’t spare 2 minutes to thank the Lord for securing our limbs, and not impairing any of our senses, without realizing, all of it can be taken away in just 2 minutes. Must stop taking things for granted. Must be more humble and look at the bigger picture. Life isn’t about wearing the most expensive clothes or getting the biggest diamonds or buying the biggest house … life is about being good, kind, helpful, humble, grateful and compassionate. God, please give us all the strength to cultivate kindness and compassion and not vanity and wastefulness. As a new year begins in my life .. I would like this to be my mantra. Have more thoughts on similar topics to be added on soon!

Life ...

It's been a while since I have mindlessly rambled. And today, that's going to change! I have been wanting to blog about this for a week now .. but couldn't get myself to start typing. Finally have.

Last Monday - I got into work, and heard a tragic news. One of my colleagues, who I worked with very closely in the past, passed away. He was only 36 and left behind a wife and twin children of the age of 5! It all happened in seconds. He was working in his yard, experienced shortness of breath, collapsed, ER came, couldn't help him and he was gone.

The news affected me quite a bit, maybe more than I thought it would. I had heard of deaths before .. why was this so shocking and shaking. As I pondered more about this, I realized I couldn't stop thinking about what his wife was going through. I mean just that morning, she could have had a fight with him, we all do! We say harsh things, and we think we'll resolve it in 2 hours. She might have thought the same, only to realize she will never get that chance. Another thought was - July 4th weekend. They might have had a vacation planned, just like I do. They might have spent hours and days discussing details of all the fun they'll have. All gone in seconds. These are just the immediate things. Her whole life and life's plans ... Gosh I tear up just thinking about it.

Life. When we have it, we don't value it. When it's at risk, we complain, "why me!". And when it's taken away, we are devastated.

Attachment can be such a cruel thing. And the more people in your life that you become dependent on ... the more 'fearsome' such things can be. All these thoughts make me want to read the Gita and learn about moksha, maya and detatchment. It's definitely a lingering thought recently. I should really put it to work!

Eat healthy & be happy y'all!

*The* Proposal!

It was a fine Saturday morning - pretty windy and nice. P and I had signed up for a half marathon on some very enthusiastic day, and now it was just 2 weeks away. "We" had planned all week to try out a long run on Saturday morning. I wanted to run the yukky race course (very dry and un-scenic). P insisted on running the 'scenic' drive on the pretense that the hills will really help him build his strength and endurance. Me being me, argued a bit about it and then finally said ... Fine! Scenic Drive it is. At 7 in the morning, I wore the most grunge clothes I had and set out to run. He looked at me, desperately wanting to tell me to dress better. Lol!

Off we started on our run. He usually runs a lot faster than me ... so there I was .. about 5-10 mins behind him ... running by the beautiful lake, enjoying the breeze, enjoying Austin. I thought to myself - this day can't get any better! Little did I know! ;)

The route was a loop back route - run up a hilly neighborhood .. and then run back. I met him as I entered the hilly neighborhood and he was on his way back .. he was zooming and panting ... I wanted to turn back with him at that point .. but he encouraged me to complete the distance .. and so i did. On my way back, I noticed someone waving. It was P; he was injured and wanted to take a break. I was so dazed, just wanted to get done with my run. But decided to *not* be a b&^%$ and sit with him. We walked to a bench facing the lake. When I think of the whole scene now, I wonder how I didn't suspect, how I just sat on the bench not turning around, not suspecting a thing. But I really didn't. I was still very very dazed from my run and the morning hour. As I sat, he presented me with a bouquet of gorgeous white and red roses & Soy Chai (thanks Cha for this and more!). :) I was like .. what the?? And thats when I thought, aww, he is just being the sweetheart he always is .. surprising me with chai and what not ..! It *still* didn't strike me. Everything beyond this point is a blur!! He got down on his knees, opened the box with the bling, gave the most romantic speech ever (which I had to ask him to recite to me again later coz I didn't remember a thing!), and that's it ... I was "engaged to be married"!! The moment I had wondered about for years and years ... was finally here!

Wait that's not it .. there was more ... as I hugged and kissed him and jumped with joy - I had a secret visitor. I turned around and there was my dear friend, Cha, with the camera!! Thanks to her, a lot more ppl got to see how wonderful the moment was for me. I was surprised beyond belief. Fiance, Friends, Chai, Roses, Bling, townlake .... and just 45 mins back I was thinking if that day could have gotten any better!!!

The rest of my day involved a lot of pampering from the beau .. a trip to San Antonio .. a nice romantic Italian dinner followed by hookah and what not! :D

I am very very thankful for what I have got .. and I hope I will always be this thankful, cause God has been kind ... very kind! :)

The "Wait" is over!

Hey all!! I am so so so flattered. Frankly, I have been eagerly waiting for some 'free' time to pen down all that's on my mind. I think I am beginning to understand what I have been told many many times - you can't find time, you have to make time.

So here I am ... making my time. Gosh! It feels good to write again! :)

And Yes .. I am engaged!! And the details of my proposal deserves a post of its own! So TBD on that. This post is going to be about the wait and the end of it!!

For years and years, I wondered - who my soul mate will be .. will I ever find him or would I just settle ... etc. etc. I have spent many hours complaining to my very patient girlfriends about how I just don't 'feel' it for the guy I am talking to ... our how I am hopeful in the beginning and then something just doesn't fall right. I really began to wonder - was it me? Am I being too picky? Am I asking for too much ... all I am really looking for is to "click". Does that even make sense? Besides my parents requirement of a "Hindu Indian boy", I really didn't have any specifications on height, color of the skin, language, salary etc etc. But I wasn't willing to compromise on that 'chemistry' 'the sparks' and the comfort that my sister often spoke about. For me, my sis and my brother in law are the closest couple of my age group who are SO much in sync with each other. Neither of them are perfect, but even in their flaws, they perfectly blend. Oh how much I wanted that, prayed for that, wished for that. My mom would often tell me - stop putting your bro in law as the approval limit - it's a tough one for anyone to match. It was a tough one .. I knew it .. but not an impossible one, I thought. Funnily I think my BIL had set himself as the bar even when he looked for guys for me. Cause even to him, no one was ever good enough for me! There would be those few guys who I would want to consider, but none would ever get his approval status. And here enters - Mr. P! Mr. P was found by my BIL's best friend - instant approval! With a lot of persistent effort from my BIL and his darling friend, Mr. A, "WE" met!

Readers, I have never been happier. I now know - there is such a thing called a soul mate, there is such a thing called chemistry and there is definitely such a thing called comfort. And when the guy is right, all this will require ZERO effort. I don't even know where the days, weeks, months have gone by! I have no clue. All I can feel is blessed and grateful and thankful. I am not saying, Mr. P is perfect, and I snagged the best single guy out there .. No .. none of that. But I can say, with 100% confidence, that he is the PERFECT guy out there for ME. We click, we blend, we love! Quoting my Dad - "Mr. P has joined our family like sugar in milk - making us all better and sweeter." How true!

Phew! My wait was definitely worth it. I can't advise every single girl and guy out there to wait though .. each of us have different requirements and have to approach things differently. But I do think, that if you keep wishing for something, God will give it to you. Which means 2 things - One, be careful what you wish for - it just might come true and Second - sometimes we don't have the ability to recognize that we are getting just what we wanted. So be sure to keep a special eye out for that!

Lot more posts coming up soon!

Why can't you say one thing ... *any*thing ... to make me feel better?

I have so many friends who are on the 'low' phase ... feeling the pain. I too have felt that pain for many months. The fear of being alone .. the pain of seeing people around you going ahead of you. People you grew up with, went to college with, phases ahead of you in life. You don't want to be left behind. I have only lived 28 years ... but from my little life's experience, I could say that was one of the worst kind of pain I'd felt. I am sure death of near one's and having a terminal disease is much worse. But this pain is different ... we knows its temporary, but we still fear and wonder if it really is temporary. And there is noone around us who can make us feel better.

Quoting something I heard on TV yday ... there are no shortcuts in life or in love. This pain must be felt ... the alternative is much worse. It's what makes us special, what makes us beautiful ... what makes us worthy. The pain of how we love! But that pain is accompanied by something else ... hope! With pain .. there is hope. And that is where you are ... somewhere between agony and optimism and prayer.

And as they say .. it is when we really experience the *low* can we appreciate and enjoy the *high*! Keep the faith on!

*Click*

Anyone who knows me a little well, knows my obsession with photographs. I love capturing every occasion in my camera. Be it just a simple potluck dinner or a grand wedding. I obviously love photographs, taking them, being in them .. all of it. Of course being photogenic helps the cause quite a bit! ;-) hehe .. and modesty is my middle name! Anyyyyhooo, there are times when I can spend hours and hours looking through albums .. my old albums .. maybe a friends album on facebook .. any album .. i enjoy it! Love looking at the colors, the outfits, the emotions captured. At times I let my mind wander off ... maybe reminiscing the events surrounding it, the fights, the good times etc. There is so much a photograph can bring to you! I can't thank this advancement in technology enough! So, I say, keep clicking! :-)