Areille - the Lioness of God

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Final Goal!

I was in NYC last weekend and happened to have an amazing convo with my host - Mr.Z, which I had to blog about.

So we were discussing marriage and relationships (ofcourse!!), and talked about how complicated we ourselves have made it all. In the past - you just get married and you are committed for life. Today we have at least 4 stages I can think of -

1. I am considering dating the dude
2. Dating
3. Commitment/Engagement
4. Marriage

I am sure there are may sub levels to these stages.

Anyhoo, as we spoke more on this he brought up this excellent analogy which I thought was brilliant. He spoke about how there are 4 levels of employees in his firm - Associate, Manager, Junior Partner and Partner. Each level needs a completely different skill set. So when they recruit for associates, one would think they would look for those who have the skill set an Associate needs. Right? Wrong!! They recruit keeping the final goal in mind. The hire those who they think will one day make Good Partners in the firm because that is the final goal. How they get through the first 3 stages isn't the firm's problem - for the firm, this is the most profitable approach.

Same way - when we look for a partner - we sometimes get carried away by one of the initial stages like "oh why didn't he buy me flowers" "why didn't we go eat in that fancy restaurant" "why isn't he romantic enough" "why didn't he call me when he said he would" "why isn't my ring a gaziilion carats". But the smarter and more profitable approach is one that Mr.Z's very successful firm follows, if you keep the goal in mind - 'to find a good husband' ... does any of that really matter? We should probably be looking for other things like "is he a stable person" "Is he sincere" "Is he capable of making sound decisions" "Will he be able to support and bring up a cultured family" etc.

I loved it .. and had to post about it. Hope you find it as thought provoking as i did! :)


  • At 6/24/2008 6:57 PM, Blogger Ankit said…

    Interesting....let me say this....

    I was discussing the concept of matrimonial websites with one of my friends and he said that approaching someone on any such website is not at all different from expressing interest for a job.

    I mean if you are interested in a particular position you send in your application.....

    But still I think that there is a lot of difference in the two scenarios.....While hiring someone you are doing your job to find a good a candidate but for looking for a life partner one thinks and analyses a lot of things......

    In the end if a company ends up hiring a not so good candidate there is always room for hiring someone else......but it is a lot different in the other case..... Right????

    If you think of this whole thing as getting a job.....well this may not be totally applicable as you can always change a job and get a better one.....but the same path would be too difficult when looking at the other case....

    Well I guess its human mind that we try to explain situations by looking at similar examples.....

    You do need a good set of both (job and guy/gal) to have a good time

  • At 6/29/2008 3:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The problem is if the person hired turns out to be bad in the role of an associate, how long will you be patient with their ineptness in that role and when do you decide that bearing their ineptness is not worth waiting to see if your judgement about their long term potential was correct? It is hard to sacrifice the present for long thinking about a "possible " bright future. The longer your first three listed steps in the relationship are, the more unlikely you are to reach the final step.

  • At 10/14/2008 7:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i loved the last anon comment about waiting too long. i went from meeting the person for 1 hr 15 minutes and committing to getting married. even though this was a arranged meeting i found my heart go pitter patter and bouncing off my rib cage !!! let me also try my hand at that job analogy. i guess the plot is that a person is being interviewed by a partner. i guess being a hopeless romantic that person should be inspired by the partner first. then it usually will segway into her/him liking the "firm"/family...kapish?

    love is not all that new medicine equates it to ...endorphins alone. it really has to endure. i think endorphins are temporary. Like "inspiration" love will drive you to succeed.

    sometimes only sometimes if we listened to our "gut". it is a sum of objective & subjective signals.



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