I love to blabber!
So the group I mostly hang out with consists of 4 girls and 4 boys. The first thought that crosses anyones mind is "so who is seeing who?" And that's what's weird, right? We are 8 ppl who consistently spend several hours every weekend with each other, enjoying each other's company, pulling each other's leg and yet, are not currently dating each other. And even if any of us are romantically inclined to each other, we kinda know at the back of our mind that 'this just ain't it'.
So the perplexing qn is how did we manage this? We are 8 good looking 20-somethings, from the same country, with similar tastes, at the right age to mingle and date, hormones never in control, alcohol always in our bloodstream and yet, we manage to stay single. Is it the greener grass which is holding us back? Or do we really believe that some unknown that we will get introduced to in the near future is going to be 'much better' than the darlings we hang out with today? He/she might actually be better, but aren't we the risky bunch all willing to take this chance.
On one hand we complain about the arranged marriage system, about how we just can't know the person in one or two meets and so its such a scary thing to get into. But then aren't we rejecting the very ones on who we have invested, time, emotions, energies and feelings?
Maybe our ancestors had it right. They practised the first meet of the boy and the girl to be on the wedding day. Maybe they understood that knowing too much is not a good thing. Each and every one of us have our flaws but maybe the flaws are more lovable or the compromises more tolerable once the knot is tied.
Don't know where I am going with this, but you all know how I love to blabbbaaahh! :D
So the perplexing qn is how did we manage this? We are 8 good looking 20-somethings, from the same country, with similar tastes, at the right age to mingle and date, hormones never in control, alcohol always in our bloodstream and yet, we manage to stay single. Is it the greener grass which is holding us back? Or do we really believe that some unknown that we will get introduced to in the near future is going to be 'much better' than the darlings we hang out with today? He/she might actually be better, but aren't we the risky bunch all willing to take this chance.
On one hand we complain about the arranged marriage system, about how we just can't know the person in one or two meets and so its such a scary thing to get into. But then aren't we rejecting the very ones on who we have invested, time, emotions, energies and feelings?
Maybe our ancestors had it right. They practised the first meet of the boy and the girl to be on the wedding day. Maybe they understood that knowing too much is not a good thing. Each and every one of us have our flaws but maybe the flaws are more lovable or the compromises more tolerable once the knot is tied.
Don't know where I am going with this, but you all know how I love to blabbbaaahh! :D
posted by Mommy G @ 9:08 AM
10 Comments:
At 10/10/2006 9:54 AM,
Charanya said…
Excellent post!! And something I have pondered about a lot as well...it is defn a mix of a lot of things that you have mentioned...being too comfortable with someone and knowing their goodness and flaws inside out...wondering if there is someone better out there...etc...in this day and age, when guys and girls mingle so freely w/o much restrictions...it is difficult sometimes to decipher the very thin line that separates someone who can only be a friend and someone who could be more than a friend...and sometimes...you just don't know how to tell or decide...and choose to remain in that comfortable friends zone forever!...another fear is wondering what will happen if things don't work out...will it ruin the existing group dynamics?? should we really even care? In 2-3 years...who knows where who will be?...god..you make me wanna blah blah blah on as well girl!! :)
At 10/10/2006 12:08 PM,
SternMystic said…
First of all: "8 good looking 20-somethings"
All 8 of you are not good looking. I would say one of you 8 is quite smart and handsome, the rest, what can I say!!!
Second: "Is it the greener grass "
Mmmmmm....its definitely the grass!!!
Thirdly: "Maybe our ancestors had it right"
No, you're wrong. They had it right for their times. In this age of extreme information disbursement (no, im not just referring to orkut) tactics have to be different. Trick is to be familiar without contempt. Tough but all the better if it works out.
Fourth: Key to a successfull relationship is
Each person thinks he/she got the better deal.
At 10/11/2006 6:26 AM,
Anonymous said…
Interesting post!! This is something I've discussed a lot with my friends and wife!!
My personal opinion is backed my own decision!! I married the person (from the opposite sex) who was my best friend! After all, what remains after the hormones are exhausted is the ability to talk to each other, the ability to make each other smile and laugh!!
To me, there can be nothing better than marrying your best friend! I know people who are repulsed by the thought of marrying their own friends!! The common retorts - 'does that mean I have to marry all my friends?' 'why then did you look for a best friend from the opposite sex only'!!
Well! For one, we don't have to marry ALL our friends! If you really think about it, whats the distinction between a friend and a spouse? Physical intimacy!! While it is undeniable that there needs to be some chemistry between two people to be able to sleep together, I find it hard to believe that this comfort is not there in a friend!!
I'm certainly not suggesting that it is ok to bed all our friends!!! And to be very honest, I think its natural for close friends to be physically drawn to each other!! But once either one is in a committed relationship, friends mentally draw the line! I don't think it means that they dont find each other attractive!!
Before I confuse the hell out of everyone, the point I am making is that I believe there can be nothing better than marrying your best friend!! Will it change the dynamics within your group? I don't think I know this group well enough to comment!! But my take is - so what if it changes! Friends will be friends!!
At 10/11/2006 8:28 AM,
zaph said…
i know why this and a lot of other things don't work for me. i mentally label the obvious and convenient as inconsequential. so whenever i get something great (people, places or projects) i immediately conclude that it must be worthless, since no way could i have achieved something useful. LOL
At 10/11/2006 10:10 AM,
Anonymous said…
Zaph! You speak the truth!!
At 10/12/2006 9:02 AM,
samurai said…
:) Areille, out with this - who is the girl that you dig? ;-)
At 10/12/2006 10:30 AM,
samurai said…
When you are among friends, the ones who you are comfortable with, it also adds one more dimension to all this. Freedom of expression, which makes you talk about things, your likes and dislikes and based on this passive feedback, your friends will self evaluate the possibility. This often negates the positive factors of closeness, proximity and accessibility.
If the feeling of comfort is not escalated to intimacy (not just in physical sense) within a relatively shorter time period, all attraction fades out and we are stuck in the 'nice' phase, which is a bitch in all earnesty :)
At 10/12/2006 1:55 PM,
Anonymous said…
Awrite H, will you marry me? -B
At 10/12/2006 6:49 PM,
Anonymous said…
It maybe that all of you are making the same mistake...
At 10/13/2006 11:09 PM,
Anonymous said…
Yeah, friends must just learn to sleep together !
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