Areille - the Lioness of God

Monday, January 07, 2008

Acceptance

"He just accepts the way I am, doesn't really try to change me."  This was told to me 2 days back when one of my gal pals spoke about her boy friend.  As I drove down 71W, her words kept coming back to me and I thought - Wow!  What a great virtue to have.  Accepting people for what they are and not forcing ones thoughts on the other.  Lots to learn from lots of people, but with the start of this new year, I think acceptance is on top of my list.  I have a few friends who have mastered this art of acceptance and of course, they are the pleasanter ones of the lot.  I tend to want people to behave 'my' way.  For example, if a person is not too punctual and I am, I just can't seem to understand why!  Why can't he just leave early?  Why is he so inconsiderate of my time?  True.  It is a horrible trait to have, but is it really that bad?  There are so many other reasons why I am his or her friend.  Why can't I just accept this as a package deal and live with it?  I can think of countless situations where conversations and evenings would have been so much more pleasant, had I not complained or mentioned or nagged about some insignificant habit of a partner, friend or a relative.  Yes, people do have habits which can get on your nerves, but I think I am beginning to believe that "not accepting people as they are" beats all the others hollow.  

9 Comments:

  • At 1/08/2008 1:24 AM, Blogger zaph said…

    where's the fun in that?

     
  • At 1/08/2008 5:33 AM, Blogger Areille said…

    LOL! I am getting older ... I am losing my 'fun-ness'! *sniff*

     
  • At 1/08/2008 7:09 AM, Blogger Charanya said…

    Sometimes...rubbing off one's "good" (this being relative) traits on another can be a good thing....as long as the other person is open to the idea of change for the better!! When people get into relationships especially, they grow and change as they learn from each other!!

    Now ENFORCING change, or your beliefs, on another person is what folks should try to avoid doing, at least in my opinion!

    Happy New Yr! :)

     
  • At 1/08/2008 1:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    takes a person a lifetime to learn this small simple fact.

     
  • At 1/09/2008 12:36 PM, Anonymous Anand said…

    Just accepting the other person for what they are can sometimes be similar to bottling up your feelings or anger and it may just lead to a meltdown (read break-up) someday. Openness and honesty are valuable in a relationship. While trying to enforce your beliefs is definitely wrong as Charanya stated above, there is nothing wrong in letting the other person know what changes you would like to see in them. Depending on what that change is and how much value it holds towards strengthening the relationship, the other person may choose to change or not.

     
  • At 1/09/2008 12:43 PM, Blogger Areille said…

    True .. you shouldn't be bottling up your viewpoint cause thats just the recipe for disaster.

    But by 'accepting', I didn't mean overlook or tolerate, I meant that learning to genuinely not let it bother you. Sure, We all strive to evolve and improve. Ppl can and will learn good habits from each other. But me getting irritated when he or she doesn't do something 'my' way, is what I want to get rid of. And also, to learn to let people change their habits at their pace, not mine.

     
  • At 1/09/2008 1:03 PM, Anonymous Anand said…

    What I meant to say was that you can do it to an extent, but not beyond a certain point. The only thig you can do is to try and increase your tolerance, but there will always be those certain people who will be beyond your tolerance however high it is. If you have ever heard the song " Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen" remember the line "Dont be reckless with other people's hearts and dont put up with those that are reckless with yours", In other words change them or just move on, no point accepting them for who they are!

     
  • At 1/10/2008 6:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    A bunch of friends all ready for a fundu trip but one or two of them show up really late and pull up a crappy reason like " I wanted to sleep some more or blah blah blah" and I just keep thinking that during the entire trip and even forget about having fun.

    It is a quality in some people (I have it ) that they expect others to follow them word by word and not to use their brain. In this case the brainy ones " the plan makers " like me have a plan for everything.

    But lately I had the same feeling that I just irritate myself for nothing, I ask too many questions from everyone, I expect everyone to be like me, and too many things which some people don't even care about.

    Now I have started living a new approach and i.e whenever I hangout with someone I don't make a plan and rather I follow their plan. I would say I have really enjoyed it. In short I will agree up on almost everything and not even worry about keeping my opinion. But that is because I couldn't find anyone to fit to my quality programe.

    I guess what I am trying to say that it's ok to be what you are , but don't make it a rule that you have to live by. Every now and then try being someone else but don't forget the original you.

    Keep Blogging!!!

     
  • At 1/29/2008 1:41 PM, Anonymous twoPenny said…

    Just two thoughts:

    1. Concentrate on the positives: why r u friends with the person in the first place etc? Because of something good you saw in them, right?

    2. Accept the negatives as they are: instead of thinking "why does he/she have to be this way?" why not think "oh well, this is the way he/she is- it's OK!"

     

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