Areille - the Lioness of God

Thursday, January 17, 2008

MySpace!

Space is something I had no concept of when I was growing up ... probably not much through college too as I had roomies and someone or the other was always piling up in my bedroom through wee hours of the night. But after the first job, and esp. after getting an apartment of my own, the concept of space started sinking in. I started identifying things as 'mine'. My Car, My apt, My bed! The more time I spent in my space, the more possessive I got about it. I could share it for a while, but beyond a limit, I wanted it back for myself. An evening with friends, a weekend with an out of towner, 3 weeks with my parents, became some of those undocumented limits. Whenever I exceeded them, I just got this strong feeling of "I want MY home, MY space, MY alone time back." I didn't think it was such a big deal, as it was easy to leave the social scene and come back to my place whenever I wished. But now, I am at that point in my life, where I need to start thinking of sharing everything that was mine with someone who is a stranger (when compared to all the others that I know!).

Is there a better way to ease into this process or do I just get married and begin those arguments on who has more closet space? I mean I love my closet, I don't have an inch of free room in it and if you give me a bigger closet, I know I can fill it up pretty easily.

Yes, there are definitely those evenings when I would love to have someone around to go for dinner with or cuddle up to while watching a movie. But I have many nights when I just want to be by myself - not really anti social - but more like "a break" from any associations.

Once married, will I have to give up that freedom? Do married people lose their individual space and start having a combined couple space? Or do many just have fights not realizing this is the reason that they are fighting? Should I be making deals with my to-be so that there are no issues on this later - "Honey, thursday nite is my night to watch aimless TV shows. DND!" And will that one-night-off deal be really enough? Or is this all a part of the sacrifice and compromise that people keep talking about.

I guess one logical solution would be to find a guy who feels the same. But on conversing on this with Ciara, we found a major roadblock here. Bunch of guys we know are postponing even 'looking' for their partners because of this very same fear of losing one's space. This is perfect for us, cause we share the same fear. We can't date the guys we are talking about cause of them being in the friend zone and stuff, but it definitely makes us wonder about the pool of guys out there doing the same thing. If these boys aren't putting themselves out there, how are us girls suppose to now find these boys and let them know we are on the same boat??? Help!

20 Comments:

  • At 1/17/2008 2:31 PM, Blogger saurabh said…

    Gayathri,
    My experience is that people try to marry some one with whom they'd want to spend a lot of time. Post marriage, they figure out ways to carve out time for themselves. For example, a friend deliberately stays 30 mins from office, and calls the commute time "his brooding time". Another girl I know just comes to school early even if she doesn't have anything to do. She says she like having that cup of tea alone a few mornings....

    I guess, the bottom line is, communicating couples usually find it easy to ask for and give personal space to each other.....

    Closet space might be a different issue all together though, because I guess some people like clean closets, and some aren't picky [:P]

     
  • At 1/17/2008 6:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Thank God, I am not alone when I have that feeling (75% of the time) that I don't want to see or talk to anyone. I just want to spend my time by myself doing basically nothing but I don't want anyone to bother me. For me it's not about sharing a closet, it's about that I just don't wannna see anyone's face when I come to MY apartment. It's logical that everyone wants their own time for doing something (I don't do anything in my alone time).

    I don't know how all this comes along after marriage or once you have to start sharing your time with someone.

    Now coming to putting yourself out part, will you be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee or a bite to eat sometime. If yes, pickup a place of your choice, your time, but after 27 Jan (I am on a short trip right now)

    Sorry for asking you out like that, but it's my new year resolution to try different ways (I have to see how it works).

     
  • At 1/18/2008 7:37 AM, Anonymous ciara said…

    Glad to be of inspiration for another great blog! :)

    And Mr Anonymous...asking someone out on their blog is defn a new technique, but this anonymous status of yours may not really help your cause! Either way, g'luck! ;)

     
  • At 1/18/2008 11:49 AM, Blogger Rationale said…

    Being married I can say one thing. Its NOT all about communication! Its also WANTING to listen and TRYING to understand.

    I guess the best bet is to really get to know someone, ironing out compatibility issues and the like before you make the "big" decision. :-)

     
  • At 1/19/2008 6:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Thanks for the good luck Ciara, I definitely need that. I also have this feeling that anonymous status may not help my cause, but still I wanted to try it. Almost everyone we know was anonymous to us at some time (another way of looking at the whole situation, but this reason not that good).

    I also thought about what would be my plan of action if I was in blog owner shoes and the conclusion is I would have gone with my initial gut feeling. If it felt like what's wrong in giving it a try, I would have said let's do it otherwise if the gut feeling was other way round then I won't stress it too much. So in short don't stress it.

    Promise I am not gonna haunt you like SRK's KKKKKKKKKKirannnnnnnnn..........

     
  • At 1/19/2008 6:16 AM, Blogger Improper Bostonian said…

    Always, always, the keyword is COMMUNICATION !!!...its no brainer

    wanting to listen, trying to understand, getting to know someone, ironing out compatibility issues, blah blah blah...all the crap are just different facets of COMMUNICATION skills set one should have, however different you like to put a spin to it...communication skills matter not just inside and outside boardroom, but also inside and outside bedroom...

    Personally speaking, I try to stay away from girls who are unable to communicate their views or get their points across in life, when they are able to do that part well in office !!! cuz trying to read a girl's mind is very difficult and, often futile and painful...

    its important to have a good philosophy of life, and that means a clear and well thought/defined approach to solve problems (cuz life is full of problems), and this certainly NEEDS good communication skills...you will always get a bunch of search results for any search you do on google...but if you want what you are looking for, you should still use the "right" keywords...unless you ask "right" or "relevant" questions, you should not expect "relevant" answers...and that holds true for life in general...

     
  • At 1/19/2008 6:56 AM, Blogger Improper Bostonian said…

    Arielle: ""Honey, thursday nite is my night to watch aimless TV shows. DND!" And will that one-night-off deal be really enough? Or is this all a part of the sacrifice and compromise that people keep talking about."

    well, if you find a guy who is as tough nut to crack as you are, then you got to make some adjustments and compromises as well if you need one or two days/nights off for yourself...but there are also men out there who will be ready to fall at your feet for life and be happy to be a pussy !!! the truth is that both these sets of men are NON-EMPTY...

    all you have to do is find someone from these pool of men, who will maximize your agrregate happiness and minimize pain in life...

    I see some good progress towards that end, just going by the rate at which your new posts are popping up... :-)

     
  • At 1/20/2008 12:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    oops. i dont think i want to go have coffee with you anymore jan 27th before or after. Sorry arielle i am actually married and have 2 kids and jan 27th was when my wife would have left to india with the 2 lil monsters. I really need alone time at my apt it feels.

     
  • At 1/20/2008 9:46 AM, Blogger Areille said…

    Anony: How are you putting yourself out there, when I have no clue what it is that you r putting out?? :P LOL! Those lil monsters do drive you to needing alone time huh? :D

    All the rest: I think the bottom line I get from you all is communication. Advice taken! I too agree that communication is the key. Ofcourse from experience I have learnt that that too is a talent! You can't just go about saying your mind out at all times and places. There are situations when your thoughts get across the most effectively and finding those instances, I guess, comes with doing a few mistakes! :) This is getting to a whole new post, huh?

    IB: Liked your google ref. :) But c'mon - tough nut to crack? Am I that difficult?? :)

     
  • At 1/20/2008 2:09 PM, Blogger Ankit said…

    Now this became way more weird & interesting than I anticipated. Mr Anony2: Why you came forward and took responsibility for something you didn't do. I was sincerely and seriously trying to ask her out, but you just made a whole mess of the whole thing. Now, no one would believe whatever any anonymous says in this blog.

    You know what, this just became like one of those serial killer movies where someone else takes the pride and glory from the actual one.

    I will be back in town on 27th Jan (Proof: boarding pass of AA available up on request). This time I have to post this using my google account, Anony2: Thanks for giving me a slight push.

    Now the original question holds again " Will you be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee or a bite to eat sometime. If yes, pickup a place of your choice, your time,?"

    In the end lesson learned is that posting comments anonymously doesn't really help.

     
  • At 1/20/2008 3:24 PM, Blogger Improper Bostonian said…

    Arielle: At times you seem interesting, and I should say, other times you seem quite intimidating...:-) but its good, if you can pull through...

    always question ppl...especially when you go on dates, spike food/drinks with truth serum, and grill them so that you get to know the real person...:-)

     
  • At 1/20/2008 3:29 PM, Blogger Improper Bostonian said…

    anyways, this discussion has given me enuf pointers/ideas to write my next post(s), connecting marriage, financial markets and evolutionary game theory !!!

     
  • At 1/21/2008 8:32 AM, Blogger Improper Bostonian said…

    Arielle: I came across this book in one of the TV shows last Friday, but somehow slipped form my mind when I wrote previous comments...dont worry too much abt relationships...hope is round the corner !!!

    http://www.powells.com/biblio?show=hardcover:sale:9780061359750:17.46

    I was going to write about this book in my blog, but I thought this might be of interest to you

     
  • At 1/21/2008 9:25 AM, Blogger Charanya said…

    Ankit - I am officially doing my "I told you so!" dance now! :)

     
  • At 1/21/2008 5:41 PM, Blogger Ankit Chadha said…

    Charanya: I know about that feeling. I told you so, I already knew this is going to happen, This is what happens when you do everything by your own.

    What can I say.....Keep on dancing as you did that.

     
  • At 1/21/2008 5:55 PM, Blogger Ankit Chadha said…

    Charanya: On second thoughts, I think you should just hold on to your dancing thing because it's not clear yet that your "I told you so!" is actually gonna help.

    Everything still depends up on Areille's official answer.

     
  • At 1/25/2008 6:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    heroine usalpav khanein ko raazi huvi bhi ya nahein?. koi climax leak kardo yaar. apun ko zoron se lagi hai.

     
  • At 1/29/2008 6:17 AM, Blogger Areille said…

    LOL! There is a good reason I took that offblog! :P

     
  • At 1/29/2008 1:27 PM, Anonymous TwoPenny said…

    Things you may want to think about:

    1. Getting a roommate may help keep you an adaptable person rather than become a space-possessive one.

    2. Did you realize that your "special someone" will probably match very closely with your won concept of how-much-space-and-when & you may not fight about space at all?

    3. A person is special when instead of fighting with them about whose closet space is bigger, you make space in your closet for their stuff -- happily!!

    4.You are right about people's perception of relationships having changed in recent times. People, both buys and gals, tend to think more about "What will I get?" and "Is this person worth it?" rather than "What can I do to show him/her I care?" and "There is no one better for me."

    5. Aren't the girls overly picky too? ;) Maybe so!

     
  • At 1/29/2008 4:36 PM, Blogger Ankit Chadha said…

    For all those who are still waiting for climax..........this is the end of season 1 of "MySpace"......So agar zoro se lagi hain to bhai ho aaaoo iss se pehle ki bahut der ho jaaye.....

    MySpace

    End of Season 1

    Acknowledgments

    (Imagine all this names scrolling up your screen as it happens at the end of movie)


    Heroine: Areille

    Anony1& Anony2 : Ankit

    Married guy: rationale

    Anony3: Still Anonymous

    Music & Dance: Charanya

    Hint: Her "I told you so " dance

    Public Notice: Please use paper bags as everyone is talking abt them.

    A google presentation

    Thanks

     

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