Areille - the Lioness of God

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

The Desi man evolves!

One very wise man once told my Dad - "Bhaairee dood mellaree, gaay kassala posche?" which translates to - "WHy would you bother raising a cow when milk is so readily available?".

If you aren't getting what this is meant to mean, let me explain it all. Historically, Indian men were always eager to marry for simple reasons - sex, home cooked food, don't like to clean, and freely available sex. SO basically it would be because most of them haven't gotten 'any' and don't know how to get 'any', and so they get married, coz then they can get 'some'! Or atleast this is how it used to be.

But the world is changing. Our desi boys are dressing better ... looking better. They are frequenting strip clubs which probably helps better their confidence cause those girls are so-damn-agreeable and then a few girlfriends and heartbreaks later, we have got pro's running around. I have seen our desi boys with some hot chicks - S. American, American, Polish, Persian, you name it! Basically, they are getting some. I have to add, even though many men like to announce that they are still 'virgins' and are saving themselves for marriage, but the truth is that most of them have done nearly every damn thing possible other than the final deed. So in my books - you are no virgin. Back to the point I was trying to get at, so now we have desi boys who are definitely getting some and just because of their bachelor living in the US have learnt to cook and clean. And ofcourse to add to our misery, we have all those gujju auntys in every remote city of the US ready to deliver a full-fledged delicious home cooked meal for just $3.99.

No wonder it has become so tough for us desi girls to find someone who actually wants to commit to marriage!!! And you knwo what the scarier part is ... when they do want to commit, it makes me wonder- WHy???? =)


  • At 3/21/2007 2:35 PM, Blogger samurai said…


    But, ofcourse for love. Simple innit? :))

  • At 3/22/2007 8:57 AM, Blogger Bipin said…

    Let me give you my 2 cents on why I think dudes eventually want to, or end up getting married.
    All the things that you spoke about in your post can basically be summed up as "The advantages of single life.". All men are aware, that like every other nice thing to die for on this planet, these advantages are also going to be short lived.

    They try and get as much of the "advantages" as they can and run away and find someone they can do things with for the rest of their lives. At least with Indian marriages, the stereotype has it, that its a one-time thing and lasts forever. So doing what they used to with other women, with just one women for the rest of their lives, combined with the assurance that they will get it for the rest of their lives is a fair enough compromise for guys that inch closer and closer to 30.

  • At 3/22/2007 3:11 PM, Anonymous death to smoochy said…

    because some of us still like to think that we need a companion for the rest of our lives; somebody to talk to, someone to grow old with,
    someone who is there at the back of our minds ALL THE TIME (and we don't mind it!!)

  • At 3/23/2007 12:37 AM, Blogger Manodeep said…

    Came around to your blog via Orkut. Hello.

    I will share an interesting anecdote (or what I thought was an interesting anecdote) --

    A person goes to a wise man and asks "Whats the difference between love and marriage ?" He replies - "Go to the forest and identify the tallest tree". The man goes to the forest, finds a tall tree but is fairly certain about finding an even taller one and keeps on going until suddenly he finds that he is out of the forest. He returns to the wise man and reports his failure. The wise man asks him to repeat the search the following day. This time the man returns reporting that he had found the "tallest" tree. When the wise man asks him "Are you sure that this is the tallest tree in the entire forest?". His reply is "No, probably not; but, this will do".

    (Incidentally, there is a mathematical strategy that can be employed in selecting your best mate given your expectation on the number of mates you are going to go through in your life-time.)

    On a separate note, if you *know* that the guy has other options and is committing in spite of that -- shouldn't you feel comfortable/ confident about that commitment?

  • At 3/23/2007 7:10 AM, Blogger Areille said…

    Manodeep: Love your response! Well said! Mathemical strategy?? Please share.

    DeathbySmoochy: Didn't mean to touch any sensitive nerve endings there, the post was just supposed to be pure entertainment and not to be taken as a sexist attack. We all know that we marry for much more and not just sex and food.

  • At 3/23/2007 8:38 AM, Anonymous death to smoochy said…

    no offense taken. wondering why such notions or thoughts are entertained by people. never ceases to amaze/confuse me.

  • At 3/26/2007 12:01 AM, Blogger Manodeep said…

    The optimal strategy is that if you intend to date N people, then you date till N/e and then take the best one that comes along after that.


  • At 3/27/2007 8:27 PM, Blogger rhobetarho said…

    There are three women in my life:

    Kantaben-Who really should wear a frikkin hairnet when cooking my lunches.

    Concepcion-Who really should lift the bed when vacuuming and

    Kkandi - whose stripping career can't go too far if she takes advice from Ekta Kapoor.

    Coordinating amongst these 3 women takes time, effort and money. And hence my commitment to marriage. Cuz if anything, us desi guys are all about Value for Money.

    Seriously though, Kantaben, Concepcion and Kkandi aren't the real thing and a very wise corporation once told us..."Cant beat the real thing." No, I'm not supporting wife beating.

  • At 4/01/2007 9:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    eh eh eh..i see jealousy creeeeping in here..i saw you use "desi boys get some" like 5 times. We cant be waiting for the nakhra ridden and meet my parents before u come anywhere close to 10 feet near me desi women!..yo!

  • At 4/01/2007 12:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Definitely an interesting post.But, are you sure that's the only point of view there is? Its a litle cliched, if you ask me. Why say this about the guys only? Don't the girls change when they are living on their own in a foreign country? Haven't you seen any girls who do the dating rounds-American, Hispanic, Moroccan etc etc. and even get "some"; but want to marry a stable, financially independent desi guy who their parents will like?

    Besides, if sex and food are the only reasons a guy would want to get married, isn't it a compliment if a guy wants to marry you knowing that he has it all and can get it all elsewhere- sex and food. And, with less of a hassle? Isn't he looking beyond just those two needs? And hey hey hey, is it only the guys who want to get "some"?

    What about girls, don't they have a long list of details on their "list"- should be tall, good looking, smart, well educated, nice, humourous, sensitive, good cook, should help around the house, should pamper the girl and of course, be good in bed?

    Fact is, how would you know how devoted a guy is to you, or how much he would do for you unless you gave him the chance? No one will do anything for nothing, so if you're not in a relationship with someone why should you even expect them to treat you special, why should they show their vulnerabiluty to you when there are chances it wil only be laughed off? And, who said relationships are 50-50 its sometimes 60-40, sometimes even 90-10 and different parties give more at different things in a relationship?

    Is it only the guys who are at an advantage here? Haven't you ever let a guy do something for you when you might as well have done it yourself? And, even if you did, what's wrong? Doesn't it feel nice that someone cares? And, I'm sure you have returned the nicety too in your own way?

    And yeah, girls do sometiems let it happen to themselves. If you're working and come home tired, there's no rule that says a girl has to do the cooking etc. Take that offer once in a while and let the pooor guy cook..he'll love thechance to show you he cares I'm telling ya!!!

    We desis are still more faithful in relationships and probably work hard at keeping the one relationship going instead of getting out at any small excuse like who left the dishes dirty or who did the laundry.

    And yes, just to clarify, I'm a girl in your same situation...single and looking and wondering why its so difficult? Just that I've been thru this phase and with a wider perpective takes two to make a thing go right!

  • At 4/02/2007 6:24 PM, Blogger Sharma's Karma said…

    aha - thank god for evolution, About time desi guys start looking at other options :). Competition is good for the desi-feminine race. Finally the playing field is levelled!!

  • At 4/06/2007 11:26 AM, Blogger Ramchand Easwar said…


    As far as love is concerned, the question of "desi" never arises...its more about whether you like the girl or guy. And pros ? After a couple of lost relationships, what are they pro at? Making a fool of themselves or winning the sympathy of a couple more people? Lol.....And oh, one more thing...I see that you have replied to a comment saying that you are not being sexist here :D....Well, let me be one and ask about the "desi" females. I agree, virginity is an equally applicable term for both males and females....So if anything other than the final act counts,(which i agree with on you btw), do you think all those females are virgins too? Sadly, I realise the ratio of women who can be chastised on this regard are more than the men.

    And marriage is not a means for getting anything free. A man marrying a woman and vice versa is not like buying a slice of pizza and getting one free. Its a tough decision to decide to stay with one person the rest of your life(assuming thats what they want to do), and to live for each other and take care of each other and blah blah blah....And oh yeah, the sex too.....To decide not to have sex with anyone else, may not sound like a big deal. But it revolves around the purity of the relationship and so that is an important factor too.

    Marriage is like one of the toughest things in life. There is nothing free associated with it and there is nothing which is tougher than that. So when someone gets married, I generally feel proud,if its a friend of mine and awed if its someone else.

    In short, samurai sums it up real well :)

    P.S.: Is this another of your posts where you are gonna close the topic for discussion....looks like its heading for that direction....lmao

  • At 4/06/2007 11:29 AM, Blogger Ramchand Easwar said… more thing....I have never learnt to cook anything more than a sandwich....So I dont mind home delivered food for 4 bucks a day....So where are those gujju aunties ???? They will be God to me...I am hungry :(

  • At 4/14/2007 9:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i came through this via orkut.

    i'll totally agree with that anonymous lady who posted about 'why is it only guys?'

    marriage IS one of the toughest decisons in life, the whole career growth, sex life everything depends on the person.

    i still get goosebumps thinking of whom i'm gonna end up...

  • At 5/05/2007 11:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I have asked a lot of my friends this question - would a girl *fairly well exposed, not super conservative* like to discuss the guy's ex relationships or would she prefer he never brings it up? As a desi guy with 2 past relationships I am really wondering if I should even bring this up when I meet prospective singles in the future.

  • At 5/07/2007 6:35 AM, Blogger Areille said…

    Dear Last Anony:

    About discussing past relationships, I think it totally depends on per-case basis. I personally don't like getting into nitty gritty details about mine or a prospectives past relationships. My interests in knowing details about a prospective's past encounters is only to learn a little more about prospective(you can learn a LOT from the past relationships). Other than that, I think it will just create unnecessary hassles. People might act all cool at first, but when the issues begin, you realize that most of them are never that cool! Hope I helped!

  • At 7/30/2007 5:15 PM, Blogger Ashoka said…

    I would like to say you are pulling leg here....making them to go reaction would be just a smile.....


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