Areille - the Lioness of God

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Relationships

The more I think about it, the more I confirm the fact that each and every relationship that we have & value today, is purely need based. Yes, we love to attach some feel-good reasons like love, respect, admiration blah blah as a cover up. But I am telling ya, it's all need.

Think of those friends who meant the world to you maybe last year or the year before. The people who you thought you couldn't survive without just 2 years back. Yes, some of them are still with you but many of them have drifted away. I know many of us are good at making those occasional hi-hello calls. But I am talking about people you spent 10+ hours/week with and now, not even 10 in a year. It's not that any of these people have become bad or that you don't get along with them or any such thing. You are the same and so are they. It's just that the situations/circumstances and NEEDS have changed. Maybe some of them got married while you are still single, some of them just moved cities and the outta site outta mind came into play, maybe you made a new bunch of friends who keep you occupied for more hours than you can handle and the maybes go on.

Making a harsh turn: there was a time when our parents meant the world to us. We didn't know anything outside them. Whatever they said or did, was what defined the word 'right'. Why? Cause they provided us the security and comfort we needed then. And today, yes, we do miss them and love them, but do we really think of them more than our current best friend or current crush? In many aspects haven't our time and energy spent on them become more of a duty?

It's harsh, it's sad, but I fear, it's true. As someone rightly put it, it is Need and not Love that makes the world go round!! :)

21 Comments:

  • At 12/06/2006 9:20 PM, Anonymous shebang said…

    First post ?
    Need based relationships don't last. They might deliver a solid rush but that runs out quite quickly

    Quality trumps quantity. My old friends are special as ever. Although I don't spend time with them like I once did. Stark reality of life- everyone move on. In the moments I think of them, they are still special.

    For parents, we cling less, understand more. Doesn't mean we love less.

     
  • At 12/07/2006 7:15 AM, Anonymous Aparna said…

    In everything I do, I always think "what would my parents do?"...I think of them ALL the time...they live far away and I rarely speak to them anymore, but they are in my heart and that's the closest anyone can ever be to you...
    I agree with shebang - Need based relationships don't last...You would know if you ever had one that was based on love. There's always hope though :)

     
  • At 12/07/2006 7:19 AM, Anonymous The zesty yet suicidal pet said…

    A slightly harsh take on relationships Areille. Needs are very easy to quantify. Unfortunately relationships have a very big emotional input, and that cannot be quantified unless skewed results are your thing. A need-based relationship has a beginning and an end, even if the parties involved cannot see it. If you know what you want to extract/achieve from a relationship, it becomes more or less a cat and mouse game. On the other hand emotional relationships may have huge tumbles (both up and down), but they last so long as the parties involved do not expect anything substantial in return for every deed. But I will give you one thing though. Need based relationships are fun, in a slightly evil way. Without evil, how would one appreciate the good huh? A slightly longer take on Shebang's comment, but a short comment has never been my thing.

     
  • At 12/07/2006 8:16 AM, Blogger ciara said…

    In a way Areille is right...a lot of our decisions based on who we make friends with...the kind of personalities we are attracted to.. is dependent on our current needs...but like the others have said...need-based relationships may or may not all end up being long term...Needs change...personalities change...

    The real, long-lasting friendships transcend all our needs...we can meet someone we knew 15 years ago randomly somehere on the street and still be able to pick up where we left off without any awkwardness/hesitations...

    Need-based relationships/friendships are not necessarily bad though...I feel that they are in fact essential...we need these different "need satisfiers" to enable us to get through various phases in our lives...

     
  • At 12/07/2006 8:33 AM, Blogger Areille said…

    wow, i guess i again managed to touch one of those 'do not enter' zones. I really didn't mean to. I too love my parents and value those friends I have/had. I too have friends who mean the world to me, who I remember once in a way but don't really talk to as much as I used to. I too have a family I love and I too have been in love.

    What I was trying to say is that every scenario and situation is temporary. Be it being a child to your parents, a best friend, a sweetheart to the one u love, etc. none of these last forever. When we are in the situation, it is our need for each other that keeps the relationship strong and going. But once situations change and needs differ, people grow apart. We still love to believe that those relationships hold the same place in our heart as they always did, but the truth is, they don't. New relations take their place. Ofcourse, we do learn things from each and every relationship and that's why we remember them. And we do have fond memories of each of them.

    But again, as our needs change, we attract newer relationships which satisfy those needs. And I don't mean 'need' in any negative sense. It's a selfish world out there and we all look out for that which is best for us. Nothing wrong in that!

     
  • At 12/07/2006 9:18 AM, Blogger samurai said…

    I havent read all the comments yet, but let me state it like it is :)

    I haven't had a crush since I first saw Areille. Oh you looked so haatTT in those black shorts and tiple sized white tee on the volleyball court. You were so different, so vulnerable, not able to even send the ball to other side, a perfecto damsello in distresso. *sniff*.

    When will I see you like that AGAIN? HUH?

     
  • At 12/07/2006 9:52 AM, Blogger samurai said…

    Needs are good
    Friends are good
    Relationships are good.

    Need based friendly relationships are good :)

     
  • At 12/07/2006 10:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Tell me Samurai, what are sizes are tiple sizes?

     
  • At 12/07/2006 11:09 AM, Blogger Areille said…

    haha! v. funny samurai!! funny but sadly true.

    Anony - he means one of those very big shirts we get free in the job fairs. Yes, that was my first and last time that I dressed so badly in front of Samu! Ever since our eyes met on that day, I have always dressed mah best coz i neeeeeed him!!! :D

     
  • At 12/07/2006 11:41 AM, Anonymous the zesty yet suicidal pet said…

    True. Needs are temporary hiccups on the way to emotional salvation I guess. Who knows? Just like an aging wine, people acquire subtle tastes as they grow older which reflects in their personality. Circumstances change, time goes on, distances increase, etc. Too many variables involved, which makes this one messy equation. I would not, however, rush into placing familial relationships into a need based one. For one to consider these to be need-based, the person would have to look at it from an investment perspective - You invest x amt of time and you get y things in return. A few events work this way in a familial environment (e.g., u pass this exam and u get a bike). The crucial investment comes in when a family is there to console you, or to pep you up, or to indulge in an emotional experience. And I am sure you would not want this 'need' to fade away, so to speak. I will revert back to my original comment though. Need based relationships teach a lot in a short timespan and are fun while they last. U shed a few tears once they break, but the lessons are carried over. Its these small lessons from 'many' need-based relationships combined with the other 'few' emotional relationships that forms the core of self-discovery. The journey goes on, only the players change eh?

     
  • At 12/07/2006 11:47 AM, Blogger Areille said…

    Zesty: Who are you?? I NEED to know! ;)

     
  • At 12/07/2006 12:14 PM, Anonymous the zesty yet suicidal pet said…

    Ah! The inevitable identity question. I am a Microsoft/Intel hatin, SomaFM listenin, Dilton Doiley lovin, Crooked bespectacled guy with low caffeine blood stream looking for a 'needy' companion ;-)

    Keep the posts coming. Someone once said, to rant like a rat makes a mouse look like a dog to a cat! Looking forward to more rants from you Areille san.

     
  • At 12/07/2006 2:51 PM, Blogger Areille said…

    woof woof! :)

     
  • At 12/07/2006 9:27 PM, Anonymous shebang said…

    True, everything is transient including relationships. In a way thats good too.

    I guess I see it slightly differently as not all relationships being boxed in human transactions. As some transcending them.

    However, on my bad days, I would not only agree with you, but also think far more along your post. Good one !

     
  • At 12/17/2006 5:01 PM, Blogger Sky Rainmaker said…

    wow, excellent post. what you said is So True!

    Need makes the world go round. Need for money, for love, for friends, and so on.

     
  • At 12/30/2006 10:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey, have to agree with shebang and aparna here. I agree that nobody is indispensable and have learnt it the hard way. Nevertheless, there is always an element of "unconditional" to life. The early day friendships, parents and family, when we meet them after ages and ages, we still feel the warmth gushing and there is no price tag or need tag to it.

     
  • At 1/06/2007 6:26 AM, Blogger Tharini said…

    I agree. Succintly put. Brings to mind a little poem that talks about the same thing...

    Life is like a journey on a train
    with a fellow passenger at each window pane..
    I may sit beside you all the journey through..
    Or I may sit elsewhere..never knowing you..
    But if fate makes me sit by your side..
    Lets be pleasat travellers...
    ..it is so short a ride!!

     
  • At 1/06/2007 6:26 AM, Blogger Tharini said…

    Btw...been following your blog for a while now and enjoy the way you write.

    Don't know if you remember me,but I was your senior in school by abt 2 years. :)

     
  • At 1/08/2007 7:12 AM, Blogger Areille said…

    Tharini, r u SRK's daughter??

     
  • At 1/09/2007 2:35 PM, Blogger Tharini said…

    I certainly hope you do not mean Shah Rukh Khan! :) ut if you meant Tridev...yup that's me! ;)

     
  • At 3/29/2007 10:43 AM, Blogger Anjali said…

    My first read here...and I so agree on this one!
    Relationship is just another name for the need-role someone plays in one's life. Or am I too blunt???
    yes, emotions develop and stay but the begining of any relationship is neediness(blood relations need be mentioned in another post I guess:)). I wonder if Karma plays a role in deciding our needs at some point in life...girl u got me thinking!

     

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